Seen

If you know me, you know that I grew up in a charismatic church. The kind where you sing a new song to the Lord between every song and the jumpers (not to be confused with dancers) congregated in the southwest corner of the 3,000+ person auditorium. I loved it. I felt God every Sunday.

And then I began to expect that feeling. If I didn’t cry or jump or tremble, I must not have experienced God. Where did He go?

My spiritual journey through college challenged me not to base my relationship with God on that feeling. Sometimes I would feel it, most times I wouldn’t. I was tired of going through the motions and the emotions. I began to trust that He was there even when I didn’t feel Him. My spiritual life became more stable, less erratic. Needless to say, I have found myself in a more traditional church environment and have grown comfortable with the stability, even the monotony of it. The music is contemporary with guitars and drums and we occasionally clap, but I have not been in a service where more than a handful of people have raised their hands at one time. And I do not remember the last time that I encountered jumping, long musical pauses between songs, or an altar call.

And then I went to Texas. Yes, I found myself just a tad cynical…okay, a lot cynical. While most of me was skeptical, a small part of me wanted it. I wanted to feel God. So I asked Him. Despite myself, God, would you please show up?

And He did. It seemed that one teacher spoke directly to me…He sees you. I immediately got choked up. These words were especially powerful to me because I was in a crowd of thousands of people and everyone that we had met literally looked over our shoulders the whole time we chatted. I felt so invisible.

I was satisfied with those words. I needed that message and really believe that God was telling me, I see you. But God did it again. The very last speaker came up to close the conference. He made the keyboardist stop playing and he said, “You are big to God. pray that He will be as big to you as you are to Him. Pray that you will be as focused on Him as He is on you.” I cried. I felt God speak to little ol’ me. It is good to be reminded that He sees me and knows me. I know He does, but it’s good to feel it, too.

I am seen by Him. And you know what? You are too. I hope you feel Him today.

~Kate Walters

Wow. It's Quiet Here...

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